Denise Lee: Rantings

Today, December 1st, is World AIDS Day! It is a time to remember and celebrate the lives of those lost to the tragedy that is AIDS. A time to reflect on what has been done and what HASN'T. And most importantly, a time to decide what we all can do to help. Today, wherever you live, get involved. You don't always have to give money. Give something we all have - TIME. Run an errand, deliver a meal, visit a hospital. A kind word and a smile go a very long way.

Today, so many more people are living with AIDS instead of dying from it. But the battle is far from over. More funding is needed. More research should be done. This can only move forward when we unite our voices and make them heard by the powers that be.

And please don't think because you're not 'infected' that you're not 'affected'!! It touches us all!!

So, today, remember those who have passed on and celebrate their memory. And in their honor, join the fight!

Today is for Chuck and for Leonard!! I celebrate you both!!

dee

Hey folks....
I LITERALLY don't know where to start. There have been so many ups and downs, downs and then way ups.....but since I'm going to have some time over the next week or so...I'll explain that too....I'll try to break it up a bit.

I'll give you 2 bits of really good news. First and BEST Vida is doing so good it's almost hard to believe what she has been through. I tell you if you want to see a miracle look at her!! As most of you know Vida, my sister, was diagnosed with Lupus FINALLY after a year of hell. (previous blog - Vida's story) Well since the diagnosis in December 2006 she has been receiving treatment for it and taking more meds than any one person should have to but WHAT A BLESSING!! She is now driving herself around, she volunteers at the Arthritis Foundation 2 days a week, she DROVE herself to Austin in August to celebrate her birthday - is there no end!! On top of all that - the BEE-OTCH now wears a size 10!!!!! I guess there has to be some reward to what she's been through. To show you how things come full circle, I had some surgery this week - I'll tell you about that later and I'm fine - but guess who's my caretaker?!! That's right!! My sweet sister Vida is staying with me until I recover completely!! Good thing I treated her kindly or it could be 'Whatever Happened to Baby Jane' all over again!!! But it's been a real comfort to have her here. I'll be posting some new pics soon.

On a completely different note check out my new video 'RED STATE BLUES' on YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPwxXkoo7Bw It was written by Dr. Tim Seelig and myself as the kick off project for Arts for Peace & Justice. www.a4pj.org I hope you'll check out there site as well. Check out the video and leave a comment. I'd love to know what you think.

There have been so many new developments in my life. Some good, some bad, some I'm not quite ready to talk about but all life changing. I hope to be sharing most of them with you in the upcoming weeks!! And then on a more regular basis.

No matter what has happened, I look at everything as a blessing!! God has been incredibly good!! Keep checking back - I've got lots to say!!!

much love!!

dee

I'm all for technology, but seriously, what have we done? We live in an age now where everything is fast and convenient. Fast food, fast TV, fast computers (well sometimes). We Christmas shop online, we TIVO our movies. We email, we two-way, we text message.

We don't take time for things or each other anymore. I understand that these things save time but time is supposed to be used wisely, not just quickly.

While the conveniences of today have made our lives simpler, I think they've made us less human. We're almost like the machines we operate. When was the last time you went to the park and listened to a concert with you phone OFF? Have you been to a movie theater lately? The last 3 times you told someone you loved them was it by text message, email or some other device that robbed the receiver of the human emotion behind it.

I know we live in a fast paced, get it done now society. I'm just as guilty as everyone else but my need for the 'human touch', not just physically but emotionally, is making me rethink how I communicate and carry out my day to day task.

We're losing our ability to interact with each other. And when that happens I think we lose our ability to care about each other. Think of the feeling you get when a friend might just actually take the time to find you and give you a hug instead of you having to read 'hug' in a text. Or 'hearing' the words 'I love you' can never be replaced by reading them. Please don't get me wrong. The random 'thinking about you' or 'have a good day' that comes via email or text is a great pick me up. It lets you know that someone is thinking about you. And it saves the time you may not have for conversation at that point. But isn't a friendship or a relationship worth the time? Electronic commuication should supplement human interaction, not replace it.!!

Pretty soon we'll be programming specific times to have our phones and computers express our innermost feelings to one another - and we won't have to take the time to 'feel' anything at all.

I hope we don't let that happen.

So many of you asked about my sister's story and so I tried to put it here in words. It has been an incredibly tough year for her but she's a tough lady and one of the most remarkable people I know! She's my hero. Here's a sketch of what she went through!!
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Vida has always been someone who, when she got sick, GOT SICK!!! She never got just a cold, she'd get typhoid!!! So in January of this year when she began to complain of joint pains and headaches she didn't think much of it. Vida has also worked in the medical field for over 20 years, so if she didn't worry, neither did I.

As her pain continued to increase, it got to the point that she couldn't drive herself to the doctor. Vida has always been very independent. So for her to ask me to drive from Garland to her house in Grand Prairie to take her to Coppell to the doctor was major. The trips to the doctor went on for weeks without them being able to give a diagnosis. As time went on, Vida got weaker. We went to the emergency room on a couple of occasions only to be treated and released. At one point, Vida passed out at home, only to awake at home alone and to find she had a broken ankle. Back to the hospital, only to be treated and released again.

On her third visit to the emergency room, April 13th, she was admitted. She was very disoriented. She couldn't remember things and was unaware of where she was at times (at one point sometime earlier, she wandered off while at a store with my mother and was missing for 3 hours) After a week they were again going to release her but THANK GOD FOR STAPH INFECTION!! I never thought I'd say those words. Vida had developed an infection and had to stay. She also had suffered a very small stroke (if there is such a thing)

Are you still reading this? Thank you!!!

Fast forward. It is now May 13th. She is moved to ICU, still no closer to a diagnosis. She's beginning to have seizures, her organs are beginning to fail. Just about EVERY doctor in the hospital has seen her. Finally there is a suggestion of TTP - a rare disease that strikes about 1-3 people, per million, per year. http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/ttp.htm

The treatment is plasma exchange - a sort of dialysis - everyday for 2 hours. Incredibly hard on her body. But FINALLY after 2 weeks she was beginning to respond. Just as things are looking brighter, she begins to develop breathing problems. The doctors suggest putting her on a ventilator just to help her breathing and to give her body a rest. It was supposed to be routine and only for about a week. Once the ventilator was in place, however, that is when we got the news that Vida had developed ARDS http://ards.org/learnaboutards/

The doctor tells us because of her weakened condition he couldn't promise us she would make it. We were devastated to say the least! Vida would remain on the ventilator for almost 6 weeks, heavily sedated and on a paralytic agent.

BUT we prayed and we had friends who prayed and we had doctors who prayed and we know a God that answers because I have my sister back!!!

She was moved to Baylor Specialty Hospital and then to a private physical therapy room for 2 weeks before she was released. She is now at my mother's house recuperating and taking physical therapy 3 times a week, regaining her strength and learning to walk again. The therapist says she should be back to normal in as little as 6 weeks!!!

Now, first, if you got to the end of this, THANK YOU! Thank you for asking about her, thank you for caring. I know it was a lot and I tried to short cut. It has been an incredible ordeal but a true test of faith! I KNOW miracles still happen!! And we're blessed because of it!!!

I know, you may have gotten this as an email, or a text message and/or a bulletin on myspace but I'm putting it EVERYWHERE because it's such good news!!!
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I was about to get into the shower this morning when there was a knock on my door. Now for those of you who don't know me - NEVER come to my place unannounced!! I go to the door and couldn't make out the figure through the peep hole. I asked 'who is it'. The response was 'land shark'!! (some of you are old enough to remember that!!) Again, I ask, 'who is it?' "UPS". Now I'm getting a little ticked. As they knocked again and said 'open the door' I noticed a hint of familiarity in the voice. IT WAS VIDA - MY SISTER!!!!! Many of you know her story so I won't bore you with details (but will be happy to share her story with anyone who emails and wants to hear it -because it is a TESTIMONY!) Clarence went to the hospital today to help her practice getting in the car. It would be her first time outside in 5 months!!! What they didn't tell me was that the hospital gave her clearance to ride around for awhile and they decided to surprise me and just show up at my place!!!! Other than the birth of my children, and even some parts of that, I haven't experienced a happier moment!! It's been a couple of hours since she left. For the first hour I just walked around thinking 'what am I supposed to do now'!!! I mean, where do you go from there?!! It has been such a long, hard road. But as I sit here now, with the realization that she is REALLY GOING TO BE OK, it's almost hard to type.

So I will end this by saying to ALL of you who called, emailed, sent text, thought about us, sent us good energy, held my hand, listen to me talk, gave me a safe place to cry and most importantly PRAYED - I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!! It was through all of these kind acts and the Grace of God that I have my sister back!!

Vida's target date for release is September 21st. I'll keep you posted!!

I love you all!!! And know that there is going to be ONE HECK OF A PARTY!!!!!

That was the title of the blog I lost yesterday! I stole it from Oprah's inspiration email of the day!!! So today, I was feeling uninspired to write anything but I came here anyway. Having nothing to say, I began to check my email and once again an email from Oprah said "It's Never Too Late -in life or in fiction - To Revise" And as if that wasn't enough, as I skimmed through my Artist's Way book - yes, I'm going to start it again, eventually- the first page I turned to had the comment "Stop telling yourself it's too late!

Although I still didn't (and still don't) know what I want to say I was encouraged. I almost took losing that blog as a sign that this wasn't my forte! But I sat here anyway determined to put something down if for no other reason but to acknowledge that it is never too late - for anything.

Recently I've been going through a period of 'I'm too old to start that now'. The realization of getting older is frightening. Especially, when you're in some area of show business. The uncertainty of the next job, the prospect of losing 'it' (whatever 'it' is, provided you ever had 'it' in the first place) or just being too tired to keep up yesterday's pace.

But I believe I will get MY next job not necessarily THE next job. I will always have 'it' because 'it' is what I make it! And if I can't keep us yesterday's pace, I'll set a new one.

So while I lost the content of yesterday's blog, Today is STILL a New Day and it's NEVER too late!!

much love

I have a new myspace music site in addition to this website. I will continue to try to update my rantings section here everytime I do a blog there! Remember, this is my therapy so don't take anything personal!! :-)

Oh, the space: www.myspace.com/deniseleemusic
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Wow, a myspace page that let's me call myself an artist!!! I'm finally believing in myself enough to believe it myself! I know that may sound strange to a lot of people but this has been a long journey. A journey of letting what other people thought direct my path. A journey of depending on other people to make me happy. A journey of me trying to keep everyone else happy and not taking care of me. And in spite of all that, I am coming out on this end a richer person. One who is learning that what I think matters. And I love what I do!!! I just finished my first solo cabaret show!! Something I didn't think I could do. But I did!!! And I did it without a lot of the things I thought I needed to accomplish it!!! It was tough but I made it through and I know now I can do it again.

I know this sounds like rambling to you but it's the first time I've this close to being as truthful with myself about what I really feel and not caring who reads it.

So now, I begin my space, with MY music, and I'm continuing on MY JOURNEY!! I hope you will celebrate with me!!!!

Have you ever wondered when things aren't going right in your life if God has you confused with someone else? While I KNOW that's not right and He doesn't give us anymore than we can bear - IT'S BEEN A TOUGH WEEK FOLKS!! I mean a REALLY tough week. The upside is it's got to get better and IT'S MY BIRTHDAY on Friday. I hope you'll come out and help me celebrate!!

d

Sometimes I wonder if anybody ever reads this page. Then I remember I'm really writing it for my own sanity!! :-) First, thanks to all of you for your prayers and good thoughts for my sister, Vida. She's slowly getting better. It's been a long, slow battle. She's been diagnosed with a strain of hepatitis. But it seems the medicine has been worse than the disease. Please keep her "prayed' up. She means the world to me!

Career Stuff - I'm shooting a TV pilot called 'A House Divided'. It stars Dylan McDermott and Sarah Clarke (Nina Meyers from 24 YAY!!!!!!!) I haven't met them yet but I've only had one day on the set. I'm going to shoot today as soon as I get off this thing!!

Thanks to all of you 'Hideaway' regulars who came out to Phases last night! IT WAS GREAT!! And so good to see you all. I've missed you. But now you know where to find me!!!

Friends from China come in next week. You can see pictures of them, Jack & Jessica in the 'Pics' section of the site.

That's all for now. Thanks for checking in!!

These last few weeks have all been running together. I guess that's good because I've been working!!! And THAT is a blessing. A lot of you know so much of the stuff that's been going on in my life. And you have been so supportive of my 'leaps of faith'. Let me tell you here and now FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS. At every point in my journey so far, God has continued to show me my path and affirm my decisions through friends, chance meetings and random postings in my Guestbook (thanks Pearl!!) Be open and believe!!!!! That's not to say it ain't scary. But I will tell you the journey has made me a stronger person!!

On a completely different topic. I have to tell you I am so proud of my daughter, Traci. She is growing in to such a beautiful young lady. That in itself is scary. I just wanted to publically say how much I love her for the young lady she's becoming - even during the crazy, teenage years!!
Today's message - ENCOURAGE SOMEBODY! Offer a positive word, smile at a stranger, do an unknown good deed. The gifts we give to others are the gifts we receive.

Be blessed!!

To all those I love and who have loved me, have a wonderful Valentine's Day!!! Celebrate love and the wonderful way it makes us feel!!!

...as I know we all are. Things are going great. Last week as a lot of you know, the Hideaway 'lost' it's liquor license. It's suppose to be a temporary problem but in the mean time that put a lot of people in a bind. It was very disappointing to me because the Hideaway has become the place to relax among friends. However, as disappointed as I was, I took this as a sign that sometimes we get 'too comfortable' in our surroundings and that keeps us from moving on to the things that are out there for us! I think that is what was happening for not just me, but a lot of the entertainers there. So I ask you not only to continue to support us in our new ventures whatever they may be, but to challenge yourself to get out of that 'comfort zone' and find what you are to do in life. There's too much out there to do to stay in one place for too long!!

Dr. Jamey, you don't know how much YOU inspire me my friend. Thank you for your kind words! love you.

Remember, 'what have you done today?" It's still early - so get out there!!

peace.

Well, I've recorded the music for my new demo cd!! Nashville was wonderful & Marvin Matthews was WONDERFULLER!!! Love you Marvin. I made some new friends in Nashville too. Hi Liz & Doug!! They are the owners of Painted Illusions Studio in Nashville. They do textured walls and such!! Their work is AMAZING!!!! Look them up if you're in that part of town!!! Liz, tell Barry I'm still waiting for my call or email!!! :-)

Each phase of this is a new journey for me. I'm very excited about where it could lead. I've gotten so many emails and so much support from you. Thank you. It all comes at just the right time!! (Love you Lance) Please continue to send me good thoughts and good energy as I continue through!!
d

Hey folks!!! Well right now it's about 11:00 and I'm in Nashville, TN!!!!! Nashville, you ask! Well, it's the first step on that new career path I mentioned to you before. I'm here with my dear friend and INCREDIBLE producer Marvin Matthews. He is producing my new demo cd. I'm really excited. We go into the studio tomorrow and lay down the music. Marvin is soooo wonderful and I know I can learn so much from him. He's a God send. So many of you have been so supportive of me on this project. This is one of the biggest leaps of faith I have taken in my career. Your support, kind words, good thoughts are helping to get me through. Without going into details, it's pretty scary but I can do it!! (or so you guys tell me!!!) I'll keep you posted!!!

Well, here we are!! I hope this note finds you all well as we begin 2006!!! I am planning and expecting exciting ventures both personally and professionally. I hope you have set your goals high!! Remember, to ask yourself daily 'What Have I Done Today?" They more we ask that, the more we can accomplish!!

I am beginning a new phase in my career. Keep me in your thoughts as I pursue this 'scary but exciting' journey. I promise to keep you posted every step of the way. Please continue to email or leave me notes in my Guestbook. I enjoy hearing from you!!
for now,
much love!

WOW!! Sunday was AMAZING!!!! Not only did I have the opportunity to perform with the best Chorale in the WORLD but we raised a lot of money & awareness for Genesis Women's Shelter.
First, I can't say enough about the kindness, generousity and support of Tim Seelig. He is truly an Angel from Heaven and I love him dearly. Second, the men of the Chorale. Thank you for just opening your hearts & taking me in as part of the family!!! I love you all!! And, finally, to sing with my musical soul mate & dear, dear friend Gary Floyd, you can't ask for much more!!
If you ever had any doubt that music crosses all boundaries and soothes souls, you haven't been to a Turtle Creek Chorale Concert. I hope you will take advantage of the 3 concerts we have left on the 19th, 20th and/or 21st. There is no better way to start or add to your holiday season!!! www.turtlecreek.org

The holidays can be a time of joy and happiness or they can be a time of sadness & confusion. I've had a little of both as I'm sure we all have. But continue to hold on to & give love & you will be lifted!!! I'm surrounded with some of the most wonderful, loving people who lift me up when I'm down. You know who you are (Even you who won't see this for a while because your computer doesn't work!!!) Know that your spirits & love keep me lifted and I love you!!!

Remember to ask yourself daily "What Have I Done Today?" It can help you make a difference in someone's life!!!

The holidays can be tough. But you can make it - you have to!!! So don't let anyone or anything get to you this weekend. Take all of the experiences, learn from them, grow from them and be Thankful!!

I love you all.
d

When I started this I told you that sometimes this would be therapy for me. Well, this is one of those times. I'm trying to learn something new everyday that will make me a better person. Now while I am not going to go into great detail (cuz some of ya'll just messy) I felt compelled to write something here in addition to my personal journal. Maybe somebody needs to get something from it and cryptic though it will be, whoever needs it will take from it what they need.

I believe that some things we have total control over and what we do with that shapes our lives. But there are some things that are just going to be what they are going to be. Relationships with friends, family, co-workers. We can't force them into what we want them to be or what they once were. That's because it requires two people. Sometimes there's an obvious incident that brings about a change. Sometimes we just grow - up, apart, away and things change. I'm learning to try to grow with those changes in all of my relationships. I'm learning to look toward those who are there to give me what I need instead of trying to force it from those who, for whatever reason, just don't have it or desire to give it anymore. Embrace those who come into our lives and make us better people no matter how long they are there. And when the changes come, welcome them, move on and be open to what new blessings come in the way of new people. Don't consider it a loss. You can't lose with anything that makes you grow.

Remember as you read this, it is just what the category says - "Rantings". Don't try to read a lot into it. Don't try to figure out what I'm 'trying' to say or who it might be about. There is no secret code. If you get something from this, or from anything I write here, I hope it helps. If you don't understand it at all, maybe this one isn't for you - BUT the next one may be!! :-)

peace

For the longest time, I tried not to acknowledge the power of Oprah. But if you have watched her over the last few years there is no denying the power she has to transform lives. OK, I'm about to get sappy here. After watching her 20th anniversary show today, I find I HAVE to change. There is so much we can do by doing so very little. I have taken her challenge of starting a 'What Have You Done Today?' journal. I may write part of it on here. I encourage you to at least ask yourself the question "what have you done today". How have you helped someone or yourself. With a smile, a hug, a kind word. It doesn't take much!!!

Feel free to comment in my guestbook. I'm curious to know how and if this can change your life.

Peace!!

Well, I saw this feature on the website and decided why not!! I wish I had this when I was in China!! I think I'll use this from time to time to share little things going on in my life. It's actually going to be therapy for me!!! Help us all!!

There's not much right now, but check back from time to time and God only knows what I might put in here!!

Thanks so much for all of the comments in the Guestbook. None of us gets anywhere without the support and love of others. So know that I couldn't do what I do without you!!!

Much love!!